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Sunday, 20 April 2014

Grief Vanishes!

Here's a little bit more about Mary and how I think she may have reacted to the crucifixion of her Son.


Dear Diary;




John laid his hand on my shoulder, and asked if I would care


to share with him what I had been writing.


I shrugged my shoulders slightly, and he took that as an affirmative.


I sat there leaning against his arm while he read.


When he was done, he wrapped his arms around me, and our tears


mingled. I’m glad he is comfortable holding me close now that Yeshua


and Yosef are both gone. Under normal situations a man is forbidden


to touch a woman unless she is his wife or child, so it is good that


Yeshua told John to take care of me. Sometimes a woman needs


a man to hold them close!


Eventually our weeping lessened because after all life must go on


even though the Light of our lives has been extinguished.


John told me that at the end Yeshua had commended His


spirit into the hands of his Heavenly Father. That is some consolation,

I suppose, but did Yahweh accept Him? Oh such bitterness is seeping



into my bones. I can not live this way but I have no strength to fight




against it!


One more memory is haunting me. I may as well write it out


since it is so oppressive. When I saw what they had put on His head,


something fierce welled up within me. It was a wreath of terrible thorns,


so sharp that the blood was coursing in rivulets down His cheeks. I


wanted, oh, how I wanted to snatch it off and fling it aside. They were


scoffing at His sacred claims to be a King! Years of conditioning to be


quietly submissive rooted me to the spot. I have lovingly washed, and


combed those locks, and now they were matted, and blood stained!


I have soothed that pallid brow countless times, and kissed Him to


sleep. Oh why am I doing this to myself? Why must I dredge up all


these terrible scenes? I want to forget, and wrap myself in a mantle of


pleasanter memories, but the awfulness of what has happened tears at


me. Even the veil in the temple was torn in half! I am so frightened. It


seems like evil is stronger than good, and where will it all end?


When I lay aside my writing instruments, I hope sleep will grip me


once again. I am so terrified of the unknown while awake, I so rarely


fall asleep, but at least when I do there is oblivion for a short while.
237
 
Early tomorrow morning some of His closest friends will accompany


me to the tomb for our final acts of service to Him Whom we all loved


so dearly. I know the disciples will not go. They have lost faith, and


hope. It has been a crushing disappointment for them, for all of us, but


we must do this, and then somehow muddle blindly onwards without


the Light of our lives.


Yeshua, oh, Yeshua, do You know how much we have been hurt?
238
 
22nd Nissan


April 14th


Dear Diary;


It is much later. It seems like this long night will never end yet I


dread seeing His precious face so still and cold in death. Will the agony


ever lessen?
 


22nd Nissan


April 15th



Dear Diary;


Yeshua, Yeshua, Yeshua! How I adore you! How I marvel at how true


Your claims to be the Son of God and the Messiah were. Yehoshua!


I can not say Your Holy Name enough! Oh the wonders of beholding


Your glorious face once again! Never has the healing of my spirit been


so rapid, and so complete!


Never have the tears of grief been transformed into tears of rejoicing


as they did that Holy Day! Never in my wildest dreams had I expected


to see You alive, as the resurrected Son of God, healed in body, and


radiant in spirit. Now, even more than during Your years of being a

rabban, and healer I will willingly be in the background; I will mingle



with the crowd, and just be another of Your ardent followers. Yeshua,




I want to cling to Your sacred feet, and be Your bond servant. Nothing


could give me deeper pleasure than doing your every bidding. I will

forever bask in Your Shekinah in the form of the Holy Spirit, but Oh, I



am soo glad that Thou art back!

239
 
Dear Diary;


Yeshua is gone again, but this time the departure was so much easier


to bear. He has gone to be with His Heavenly Father were He certainly

deserves to be, and He is preparing a place for all of His Chavivi, beloved.



Thank you, thank you, oh Heavenly Father for letting me care for




Him for just a little while during the time He dwelt among us. Now


I understand that the veil of the temple was rent in twain to show


us we could reach You directly after He died! Thank you for letting


me kiss those nail wounded hands one last time. He is so whole once


again, but those scars are left in His precious hands to remind us of the


tremendous cost of our redemption.


Thank You for those final glorious moments on the hillside while


we watched Him float up into Heaven. I know that He must return to

You from whence He came, but oh I will cherish Shekinah, and some



day, oh happy day, we will meet again!
With  love, and rejoicing, from Mary 'am


___
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/author.asp?AuthorID=181889
www.maryamsdiary.webs.com

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